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Convocations and Escorts: Our First Night in Myanmar

Usually our first night in a country does not end as epically as it did in Myanmar.  I look back now on that night and think about the little things that were said that could have tipped me off to what was to come.  One thing’s for sure, after one year in Asia, that night was the most scared I had been. Let’s begin this story after we had checked into our hotel in Mandalay and crossed the street to a local restaurant for some lunch and beers shall we?

As we sat down at this little local eatery we realized pretty quickly Myanmar was going to be quite special.  All eyes were on us and although I knew we weren’t the first foreigners they’d seen, it sure seemed like it.  We ordered some lunch and our first of many Myanmar beers that day.  After Alyse and I said cheers to our new home for the next month, I noticed a couple of middle aged locals in the corner of the restaurant smiling and air cheers-ing us from across the room.  We raised our glasses and said cheers back to them.  Ten minutes later we had two frosty beers put in front of us by the waiter who said it was from the two men in the corner.  We stood up and thanked them and invited them to come sit with us and although they first declined saying we should just enjoy and relax, they eventually came and sat with us.

After bonding over beers and cigars over two or three hours they asked us if we had plans that evening.  Usually at this time Alyse and I give each other “the look” to determine whether we are good with this or not.  We both felt comfortable with these guys and thought that it could be a really cool and cultural way to kickoff our Myanmar adventures so we said we told them that we were free. The plan was to see the convocation and then afterward we could figure out what we wanted to do but they thought karaoke would be fun. Now, I don’t like karaoke. I actually really despise it, which obviously hasn’t served me well in Asia but I of course agreed as I am always willing to go with the flow to immerse myself in the culture.  After we agreed to hang out with them one of our new friends kept repeating, “Don’t even worry about anything.  You are safe with us. Mandalay is our town.  You don’t need to worry about a thing.  We will take care of you.  You are with us.”

As we got up to pay with the waiter we found our bill had already been cleared.  Our new friends had paid for our entire bill.  Wow, we were shocked and completely blown away by the generosity of these two men who had just met us. Our time in Myanmar couldn’t have got off to a better start! After deciding with our new friends that we’d meet outside of our hotel in about an hour to head to the University, Alyse and I ran over to this little bakery by our guesthouse to buy gifts as thanks for their generosity and with the expectation that we would probably be meeting their families.

Just before leaving our hotel I said to Alyse, we both trust these guys and the chances of anything going wrong is very unlikely but just in case we should have a word we say if we are feeling uncomfortable.  We came up with “sipowitz” (as we are huge SNL nerds), which we then repeated to each other while laughing uncontrollably. We were just starting to think they might not show up as it was now thirty minutes past when they said they’d arrive but then we heard the roar of motorcycles pull up outside.  They had arrived, but we were a little surprised by two things.  Firstly, they had said they would pick us up in their car and secondly they had brought one of their friends, a very smiley little fellow we hadn’t met yet.  It really wasn’t that big a deal at the time or so we thought and we each jumped on the back of their bikes and off we sped into the night.

Immediately my spidey senses started to tingle as my driver was for some reason going slower than Alyse’s bike. I lost sight of Alyse.  Before I could ask my driver where his friend and my wife were, he said to me, as if sensing my growing discomfort, “Don’t worry your wife is close, only two blocks away.  I just need some gas.” After filling up with the standard whiskey bottle gas station, we pulled a U-turn and sped back towards the main road and after five uneasy minutes of being separated, I saw Alyse waiting with our friends on the shoulder. I breathed a sigh of relief as I realized everything was ok but also said to myself that she is not to leave my sight for the rest of the night.

All was good again as our new friends and I joked back and forth through broken English, although I couldn’t quite make out exactly what they were saying but they were laughing so I figured it was funny.  As we walked in to the convocation hall at the University we quickly realized we had missed the ceremony as the hall was pretty much empty with the exception of a couple dozen people sitting on white plastic chairs in front of the stage.  Our friends told us we were a bit late getting there so the ceremony was finished.  I thought this was a tad strange given that they should have known what time things should normally end.  In any event, it turned out to be a really special thing to be a part of as we had curious locals coming over for the next hour to shake our hands and talk to us, while traditional Myanmar dancers and musicians performed on stage.  Once again all eyes were on us, including the performers on stage, I’m sure curious as to why we would show up for the end of a convocation.

As soon as we left the auditorium our friends, smiling from ear to ear blurted out, “Now we go singing?”. We agreed, not even close to matching their level of enthusiasm. Their English was decent but not great and throughout the night we could make out what they were saying for the most part but we were having difficulty understanding everything.  The reason I bring this up now is that after we agreed to go singing our three friends seemed to transform into little school girls giggling uncontrollably.  The English that we were having a hard time understanding before was made even more indiscernible with the almost constant giggling.  As we got ready to leave, our friend on Alyse’s bike said something to me about ‘maybe after singing we have dancing’, he then laughed and speed away on his bike.

As the five of us drove to the karaoke bar my friend on my bike turned to me and said, “Is everything ok with you and your wife and the plan?”  To which I said a bit confused,  “Yeah….I don’t see why not”.  About a minute later as we pulled up beside Alyse’s bike her driver said to me laughing, “You maybe not satisfy your wife!”.  I laughed because I thought it was actually a funny thing for him to say but it was definitely a bit weird.  Alyse mentioned to me later that on the ride to the club that he was asking her jokingly if she was satisfied several times during the trip.

We pull up this place called Hollywood and immediately I get the feeling something ain’t right.  There were at least six very young guys all peculiarly dressed up with bow ties, black jackets and running shoes, hanging around the entrance.  The place looked shady from the get go, like an old one level motel in a retro horror movie.   With the combination of the bow tied locals and blue neon light coming from inside the shady looking building I immediately thought to myself , “Oh shit, they’ve brought us to a strip club”.

I walked in first to see if I could get a sense of the place and as I did this the parade of young men in bow ties started to follow me in.  I couldn’t see any sort of strippers or stage area and so took a second to breath a sigh of relief.  It’s obvious they had nobody else in the building that evening and that they did not typically see foreigners at this club, actually they had probably never seen a foreigner at this club. One of our new friends joined me in the dimly lit hallway and began asking which country I liked most, “Myanmar, Cambodia, Vietnam, China, Korea, Japan?”.  As he suggests Japan he turned into one of the rooms which I thought meant  that this would be a Japan themed karaoke room so I said, “Yeah, I like Japan”.

As we entered this room I started to feel better as it looked like a typical high-end karaoke room very popular throughout Asia, but struggled to see how the Japanese theme was being incorporated into the decor.  We sat down and a parade  six men in bow ties followed us into the room, stopping in the doorway, and then just stared at us.  This of course made me feel even more uneasy than I already was.  As our friends entered the room it was obvious that they hadn’t stopped smiling since we left the University as they were having the time of their lives, while it seemed keeping some sort of special secret from us.

One of our friends turned to me laughing,”You don’t worry. Everything is on us tonight. First we sing then we get massage.”  To which I replied, “I’m sorry what?”.  My friend replied while flipping through the karaoke choices on the TV, “We sing now, you like Pitbull? We sing then we get massages and maybe I buy you a dance”.  The night, which we had originally thought would be a fun local experience, drinking and singing with some University professors was about to shift in a serious way.

As if on cue, in walks in a very young asian girl in a tiny blue dress and six inch heels who, trust me, was not there to serve us our drinks.  She took one glance at me and a look of sheer terror came across her face probably mirroring mine I’m sure.  Alyse and I both shot each other a quick “oh shit” glance as one of our friends escorted the girl over to me seating her to my right.  So there I was, in a dimly lit karaoke room somewhere in Mandalay with my wife on my left, a prostitute on my right and the six men in half tuxedos staring daggers through me. At this point I immediately felt like time stood still while a million thoughts flooded my mind.  I started thinking back to our time in Bangkok and how the mafia controls these sorts of clubs and that they would use whatever force they had to in order to get your money.  I started wondering if our friends had in fact been scamming us all along and that they were either mafia or working for them.  I got angry at myself for a minute as I wondered how I could have fallen for this after almost a year on the road.  I started thinking about how I was going to get Alyse out of there and how we were going to get back to our hotel as we were at least a 45 minute walk away and taxis were virtually nonexistent at that time of night.

I turned to Alyse and whispered, “This isn’t good we have to get our of here…now”.  Alyse of course was looking very uncomfortable at this point as well, seemingly in shock by how the evening was developing.  Our new friends could see that we were both visibly uncomfortable with what was going on and so they tried to ease my concerns by introducing me to the girl sitting beside me as if this would make everything ok. I turned and said a quick hello to be polite and as I turned back to Alyse, two more girls entered the room and quickly sat beside Alyse and then one more came in and sat next to the girl on my right.  All eyes were locked on me now. Four of these working girls, six bow tied men blocking the exit and of course our three friends who were now looking at me quite straight faced which was a major departure from how they’d been for most of the evening.

At this point I was not thinking about how this could be a whole misunderstanding and that I should give these guys the benefit of the doubt.  I wasn’t sure what was happening, but I knew we were in a situation that could turn bad given where we were and what was transpiring.  I’m not going to lie, I was scared.  I had only one thing on my mind and that was to get Alyse and I out of there, fast.  I turned to our friends and said in as stern a voice I could muster, “We aren’t comfortable with this, we are going to go.”  He looked at me dumbfounded as to why I wasn’t content. He then tried to get me to change my mind saying, “No no, it’s ok, let’s sing a song. Which song do you want?”. I repeated myself even more assertively this time, “We aren’t comfortable with the girls here.  I’m married.  This isn’t appropriate. We are going to go”.  He quickly responded, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Don’t worry, no sex! No sex!”

At this point I had grabbed my bag and had gotten up and was walking straight towards the exit where the group of six men in bow ties were still standing.  Our two friends ran to try and convince us to stay as I pushed my way to the exit.  I started thinking back to all the stories we had heard about people getting seriously hurt trying to escape from the mafia controlled Ping Pong shows in Bangkok. I looked our friend straight in the eye and said, “Listen guys, I like you, you are our friends, we had a fun day with you but we don’t like this. We are not comfortable with this. We are leaving.”  At this point our friends started apologizing profusely but were still not moving from the doorway saying to me,  “No, no don’t worry. This is my fault. We can stop this and go somewhere else.  Where do you want to go?”  At this point I just had one thing on my mind and that was getting Alyse and I the fuck home as quickly and safely as possible and not with them.

Even though they were apologetic I still didn’t trust them and we were no where near out of harms way.  I raised my voice even louder this time looking at our friends and then the men in tuxedos directly in front of me, “Guys we are going.  I need to bring my wife home now. We will get a taxi outside and head back to our hotel.” With that I pushed my way through three men leading Alyse outside the building.  I was surprised no one tried to stop us at the time, as we made a beeline for the street. Our friends ran after us and seemed to realize a that point that there was no chance that we were going to continue that night anywhere with them.  They then offered to drive us back to our hotel and although I was beginning to see that these guys were not evil men at all, there was no way I was going to get separated from Alyse again so I thanked them but declined their offer.  They waved down a motorcycle to take us back to our hotel and even insisted on paying our way home.

They didn’t expect or demand a cent from us that entire day and weren’t angry at us for leaving but instead, were visibly upset and embarrassed at themselves for, “ruining the night”.  Before we sped away we tried to reassure them that everything was ok and not to worry.  As we drove home on a bike not meant for three, I felt badly for a second as I had perhaps misjudged these two men but knew that I had made the right decision given the situation we found ourselves in.  Safety, especially Alyse’s safety, is always my top concern while travelling and so I have no regrets for how that night ended.

Looking back on that night I still can’t believe what happened. After getting back to our room I hugged and kissed Alyse and thanked my lucky stars that nothing seriously bad happened.  I said to Alyse what I’m sure she was thinking as well, “What the fuck?”.  While I was feeling mostly relief at this point, Alyse had feelings of sadness and disappointment as she had hoped for a fun and innocent cultural experience.

We spent the next hour chatting about the crazy night we just had and started to connect that dots regarding what our friends had been saying to each of us separately about what they had planned.

1) When our friend was talking about us singing and dancing, he was not talking about us doing the dancing.

2) When he walked us through the hallway and was listing different countries for me to pick, he wasn’t listing them for me to pick a certain themed room but rather, what country did I want my girl from, or should I say what country the girls claimed to be from.

3) Of course, when my friend was asking me if I was ok with the plans for the evening he was under the impression we knew what we were getting into (a totally reasonable night of entertainment for them), which of course we didn’t.

To this day we still don’t quite understand why they thought it would be appropriate to bring the two of us to this sort of club, a married couple, and then going so far as to offer to buy me massages and dances! A few weeks later while watching a Myanmar sitcom on a shitty little TV in a bus station we saw two married men on the show head to a karaoke bar and wouldn’t you know it, as the two drank beers and sang together, in walked a half dozen scantily clad women who danced all night with them as they sang. You couldn’t have timed the look Alyse and I gave each other any better. Was this a popular and acceptable form of entertainment, so much so that it was depicted freely on TV?  After telling our story to our guide a few days later and then asking if this was common he surprised us by saying that in fact  it was. He went on to explain that many of women in Myanmar marry very young and are not particularly experienced, so to speak.  Some men, but of course not all, will go to these types of clubs, usually with their friends to, “get something different than at home”. We soon realized that we did get to experience a part of the culture, just a part that was a bit seedier than what we’d hoped for.

If you were to ask us would we do it again, say yes to an invitation similar to the one we received on our first night, we would say 100% yes.  We’ve found on this journey that often the best experiences we’ve had have been the ones where we have chosen to say yes to things normally outside our a comfort zone.  Sure things didn’t turn out the way we thought they would that night but it hasn’t deterred us in the least from saying yes to situations that push us.  Relying on the goodness of people and taking chances while using our common sense and gut instincts has allowed us a much richer travel experience.

Considering this was only our first night in Myanmar, what else could we expect from this country?

Aung myin par say,

Ross & Alyse


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